"Sometimes the hardest part of love, is letting it in."  When Stephanie J. Block sings these lyrics on my iPod I feel as though she is literally singing this to me.  I forget sometimes that my mom loves me when she is spending so much time with my brother, dealing with his psychological issues while I sit back and wait.  I have found myself way in over my head right now.  I get butterflies, but not the good kind, when I go to school because I'm afraid I'm forgetting something.  I tell my mom, but I feel like everything is going in, but it's not being processed, like she's there, but she's not.  I'm not a martyr, but I also can't tell my mom.  She has almost more on her plate than I have on mine, but life just keeps piling up.
                                                                                                    - A Healing Child

Day 1202:
After twelve-hundred and two days without my dad, I can say that I continue to walk the path of healing.  I have come to terms with that fact that he is gone and I won't meet him again until I die, or Christ comes.  I have also come to terms with that fact that I have to share my mom's attention.  I am not an only child.  I have a younger brother who has serve emotional damage from my dad's death.  I can't say that I don't, but mine just isn't as profound.  I went from being the center of attention (when appropriate), to being shoved aside because my brother has too much going on for my mom to deal with my pain.  That's a lot to put on a sixteen year old.  I may be going to college in two years, but I'm still a child and I still need attention just like every other kid out there.  I am not writing this blog to vent to cyberspace.  I'm writing this blog to say what I can't say out loud.
                                                                                                         - A Healing Child